Safe Places to Communicate
Communication is essential for a successful family-owned business. One strategy to ensure communication in the family business is to create a safe environment. One of the more prevalent barriers to open communication is fear of being hurt or of hurting someone else, fear of anger, criticism, or being laughed at, and fear of rejection.
In families, people often fear that if they say something another person doesn’t like, they will never forgive them.
We have heard people say, “They have the memory of an elephant and won’t let me live it down.”
Creation of a safe environment takes time, particularly if people have felt discouraged from communicating openly in the past. Openness depends upon trust, and trust takes time to build or rebuild. The following guidelines are key to creating a safe place to communicate honestly and openly:
1. Establish ground rules that foster safety.
- Listen respectfully and don’t interrupt.
- Use “I” statements rather than “you” statements (“I would prefer if you wouldn’t interrupt me,” rather than, “You always interrupt!”).
- Define what you consider confidential. For instance, does it mean saying nothing to anyone outside the meeting, or sharing a summary of the meeting but withholding details and quotes?
- Make it a practice to paraphrase what each person says. If people feel their points of view have been ignored in the past, this will help them realize everyone’s contribution is heard and understood. Another way to ensure people feel their ideas are considered is to record points of view on a flip chart.
One way to think about what ground rules your group needs is to think about what keeps you from being open. See what ground rule would help address that concern. The entire group should commit to all ground rules and should be willing to confront individuals who do not uphold the ground rules.
2. Legitimize everyone’s perspective.
In a safe environment, everyone feels comfortable bringing up their points of view, even when others disagree with them. Thus, it is important to set a norm that everyone listens to each other, remains respectful, and expresses an appreciation of different viewpoints.
Some Native American cultures have a tradition of utilizing a talking stick in council meetings. Only the person holding the talking stick is allowed to speak. When that person has finished having their say, someone else may request the stick and the floor. We have found that this is a useful tool in family meetings.
Tools for creating a safe environment
Paraphrase!
That demonstrates that you understand another’s point of view.
Be patient.
Recognize that a trusting environment takes time and don’t discount others’ hesitation or reservations but identify and address them.
Confront constructively.
Constructive confrontation is an important aspect of a safe environment. When engaged in confronting a difference, consider the following guidelines:
- Stay focused on the issue (pros and cons).
- Stay out of triangles: give feedback directly, not to a third person.
- Create dialogue: share assumptions rather than conclusions.
- Paraphrase your understanding of the other person’s viewpoint.
Keep the big picture in mind.
Why do you have a family or a business? Think about the issue or challenge in the context of your mission (having articulated a mission statement is helpful for this reason; mission statements were covered in a previous article).
Use outside resources to help break the ice.
Sometimes establishing a new forum is awkward, and someone skilled in establishing forums for communication, teaching skills, and defusing conflict is useful at the start.
